Monday, March 20, 2006

Life is Precious

So many thoughts going through my head right now I am having trouble processing them all.

I have just got back from a week away with M to Morocco. We had a fantastic time, so relaxing and definately what I needed. 26 degrees every day and not a cloud in the sky. We went sightseeing in the morning then lazed by the pool in the afternoon. We haven't had a holiday like that in 2years.

We are booking alot of trips now, to make up for the 6mths at the end of last year when we really didn't go anywhere and because we are heading home in about 5mths. I can't believe that this time next year my life will be so different. I often think back to how my life was before July 7th.

My main feeling at the moment is anger. At so many things that I can't put it all together, but I will write about that in another post. However the main bit of anger I have felt since my trip and now since watching' The Child Who's Older than Her Grandmother' tonight is how I am not appreciating how precious life is and how much I have.

In Morocco there is still so much poverty, I really didn't think people still lived like that. I got so sad. We took a trip up to the Atlas Mountains and visited a Berber Village (berber's are types of Moroccans). In this village we visited a typical berber home. the house made of mud & brick, no windows, no running water. They had electricty and satelite tv but it was all so basic. No kitchens like we have, just a little concrete oven on the floor that they light with fire. No wardrobes full of clothes, no nic nacs. I got so sad and emotional but hade to hold it back as the family was there. We gave them some money as we left to thank them for letting us visit, we were told to give about 40-50 dirhams - about £5-6. The smile on the daughters face when I gave it to her was like I gave her the world! That will probably feed the family for a few weeks.

I ask M how can they live like that? He answers, 'they don't know any better'. and you know what they are happy. They are healthy, have a roof and a happy family. They don't have to rush to get to work by 9am, no urgent deadlines, no hussle & bussle, no unsatisfying customers to please. The father probably works as a carpenter and either walks to work or takes the family donkey. The mother goes down to the river every day to collect their veges etc from their patch and they make rugs to sell at the local markets. they don't want some high pressured, high business job.

Tonight the program on 'The Child Who's Older than Her Grandmother' made me sob. It was about a young girl who suffers from a rare ageing disease. She was 6 years old and her body was older than her grandparents. But she was the happiest and brightest child you could meet. The things she would say made me laugh. (Oh to be a child again!) She is obviously starting to realise what is happening to her but has not a care in the world. Was really enjoying and relishing life.

So these people you would normally look at and think they should be sad and not appreciate life, yet they are the happiest. Happy with their lot and enjoying it. I have so much in my life and so much to look forward to, yet for the last 3 weeks I have had sadness and anger always in the back of my mind. Bringing me down, dragging me along. I should be grateful that I am still alive and survived July 7th and I am. So why is this anger and sadness still lingering?

I know some people reading this will think I should just get over it, look at what I have compared to the people I have written about. How ungrateful I am. I am appreciative and know I am lucky. I say this yet do I really believe it in my head? I have to get over this anger. At what though I am not quite sure, so many things. Like I said though that is for another post. Maybe tomorrow.

So for now... I have a fantastic husband, i'm healthy, I have a job (even if I don't like it!), I have a roof over my head, I have a family that loves me, and I have fantastic friends that I have made from July 7th. So this is my little note that is now written on a yellow post it note and is going to be stuck in my handbag. I will pull it out when i feel down, lately alot on the tube and remind myself - life is precious.


Blogger Holly Finch said...

life is precious indeed honey....and so are you. so glad you had such a lovely time, you deserve it.
we will all get there, I know i keep saying this. sadness, anger, guilt and frustration, it;s all part of our journey and we will be so much wiser for it. look, you are already empathising with people and appreciating what you have more than you ever did...all positives.
big hug & see you thurs

12:34 AM  
Blogger fjl said...

Very good idea x good luck with it. And i want you to have more, justuce and the answers you need. You guys have been such a blessing.

1:46 PM  
Blogger steve said...

See, good things are coming of all this now. And you will make the most of your remaining 5 months in London, possibly even enjoy them more than if this never happened. Like Holly says you're obviously moving onwards and upwards.

I've been so angry sometimes I've suffered migraines from it, it is necessary I think, but it passes. I rarely get angry now, it seems to have passed.

Hope today went well, it looked quite traumatic on the news. :(


4:52 PM  
Anonymous zifa said...

with 50 dirhams you cant feed a family for a week in morocco
i'mmoroccan and i know what you are talking about
but you had of course seen how rich re our rich people lol

1:17 AM  

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