Wishing my life away
I didn't realise till today that I have been wishing my life away. A colleague just pointed it out to me. Whether it be wishing to forget about July 7th and get over it, to wishing the working week over or to wishing August was here so I would be heading back home to Australia.
I was telling my colleague what I have been up to this week and how tired I am feeling and how I can't wait for Saturday for a sleep in. Her reply, 'You seem to be wishing your life away!'
And it's true, I am 27, recently married, living in a lovely flat on the other side of the world. I should appreciate each day and wake up with zest.
Yet I hear the alarm the go off and my thought is 'oh just another half hour!' I am sure there are many out there like this, we all hear the alarm and wish it wasn't true. I have to say though in the last 7mths it has gotten much worse. And a fellow tube passenger on July 7th said today she has felt that she has been dragging herself through each day with no spring in her step. Yes that is me too. So without further excuses (they have been money and laziness) I am joining the gym this weekend. I have to otherwise I will become an overweight, house bound 28 year old.
Also when we leave to go home at the end of the year we will be traveling for about 2 -3 mths. With the way I feel now there is now way I could keep up with the traveling every day for that long. I also need to write out an eating plan and stick to it. I'm not that bad but the picking at work in the afternoon and the takeaways are not good. Making my lunch each day will be a huge achievement.
So it has to be done, it's this weekend! I will even tell my psychologist this Friday as I feel so guilty when I go back to her the next week and haven't done a task we have set for me. It's time to start feeling better again and enjoy the end of my OE.
I will let you know how it goes, and now that I have written it here, I have to do it. Right? :-)
I was telling my colleague what I have been up to this week and how tired I am feeling and how I can't wait for Saturday for a sleep in. Her reply, 'You seem to be wishing your life away!'
And it's true, I am 27, recently married, living in a lovely flat on the other side of the world. I should appreciate each day and wake up with zest.
Yet I hear the alarm the go off and my thought is 'oh just another half hour!' I am sure there are many out there like this, we all hear the alarm and wish it wasn't true. I have to say though in the last 7mths it has gotten much worse. And a fellow tube passenger on July 7th said today she has felt that she has been dragging herself through each day with no spring in her step. Yes that is me too. So without further excuses (they have been money and laziness) I am joining the gym this weekend. I have to otherwise I will become an overweight, house bound 28 year old.
Also when we leave to go home at the end of the year we will be traveling for about 2 -3 mths. With the way I feel now there is now way I could keep up with the traveling every day for that long. I also need to write out an eating plan and stick to it. I'm not that bad but the picking at work in the afternoon and the takeaways are not good. Making my lunch each day will be a huge achievement.
So it has to be done, it's this weekend! I will even tell my psychologist this Friday as I feel so guilty when I go back to her the next week and haven't done a task we have set for me. It's time to start feeling better again and enjoy the end of my OE.
I will let you know how it goes, and now that I have written it here, I have to do it. Right? :-)
posted by Bumble Bee at 11:32 AM
7 Comments:
Right!
hx
Yay!
I can do the healthy eating thing - it's just the beer int he evenings that is the bummer!
Hello there :)
I'm writing to you from my home in Canada. I am so sorry for the tragedy you suffered and witnessed.
I have survived severe trauma myself although mine was due to completely different circumstances. I used to blog about it but don't anymore. This year, I am doing much much better. Just wanted to tell you that, so that you know it and can trust it. Perspective, understanding and healing will all come with time and hard work. It is important to do the exercises to heal trauma but you know that already.
Mostly, I wanted to say, it's so appropriate to have the Bumblebee name for your blog. My mother gave me a wee bumblebee magnet when my trauma hit. She did it because she said "just like bumblebees are not supposed to be able to fly (due to aerodynamics or something) they do and very well too". And so will you again one day. Without the trauma ;)
Take care.
Carrie
Thanks Carrie,
I especially like the last bit, brought tears to my eyes! I know I will fly again through the love and support of my husband, family & friends.
Thanks again, such kind, supportive words. And glad to hear someone stepping postively out of trauma. Well done
BBx
Greetings.
Rachel from North London pointed to here, so welcome to the mad, mad world of blogging. No worries if you have nothing to say, it'll come to you...eventually.
I read on Mitch's blog that you're considering publishing your account on here, me too. For some reason that day is creeping back in, becoming more vivid, I'm tempted to just publish it and get it out of my system.
I think it's a good idea.
Steve
I am totally with you on the lack of zest - and the feeling that you should be living each day to the full, making lists of a hundred different things to do and feeling rubbish when/if you don't acheive your goals.
My PTSD counsellor said while this is natural, sometimes just sitting back and taking in whatever moment you are in (you could be sitting watching tv with your other half etc) and savouring it is a positive step. I do this at what I previously thought were insignificant moments (making my breakfast etc) and it does bring you back into the real world for just a tad.
Post a Comment
<< Home